The Best Letterkenny Quotes from Wayne, Squirrely Dan, Shoresy & More.

Here's a list of all the funny lines and catchphrases from the best show out of Canada, Letterkenny. This list includes a ton of references to Puppers Beer, chorin', the Skids, Shoresy rippin' on Reilly & Jonesy, and The McMurray's along with a ton of extra sayings.

Letterkenny Characters

Betty-Anne Quotes
Boomtown Quotes
Coach Quotes
Squirrely Dan Quotes
Daryl Quotes
Gae Quotes
Gail Quotes
Hard Right Jay Quotes
Jimmy Dickens Quotes
Jonesy Quotes
Katy Quotes
Mary-Anne Quotes
McMurray Quotes
Noah Dyck Quotes
Reilly Quotes
Roald Quotes
Shoresy Quotes
Stewart Quotes
Tanis Quotes
Wayne Quotes

Betty-Anne Quotes

Betty-Anne: It's completely inappropriate. Mary-Anne over there is not a girl. When's the last time you saw a girl's tits sag so low, she could tuck 'em into her joggers?
Betty-Anne: Your mitt looks like Babe Ruth's ball glove from the dirty '30s, if 20 more dudes spat chewing tobacco in it.

Boomtown Quotes

Boomtown: Keeping the big picture in mind, and despite all your honest opinions, which I do appreciate, you could have called my penis "the big picture." That would have been a thrill.

Coach Quotes

Coach: I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. They are fuckin' embarrassing!
Coach: I'm used to you two embarrassing me. I go to bed at night, fucking embarrassing. I get up in the morning, fucking embarrassing. The only time you two have ever humiliated me is when you started spelling. Now, please tell me you put in the work this year.
Coach: They're just pheasants with better marketing.

Squirrely Dan Quotes

Dan: And you know what else? None of youse knows where to put the S's in your goddamn sentences. So why don't you go get tricked by a Just For Laughs gags before you have to hold a referendum to separate my foot from your ass!
Dan: Jivin Pete says his new gal looks like a young Shania Twain, but you just don't have the timbits to tell him that she looks more like Post Malones fucked Dion Phaneufs
Dan: Katy was watching Squirty Dancing just yesterday. Okay, that's a lie; I was watching Squirty Dancing. It's a great movie.
Dan: Lions is lucky Canada Gooses don't migrate to Africa. Then they'd be's extinct.
Dan: Quick as a kitten queef.
Dan: Uncle-llegedly
Dan: Ya guys knows if Gail's makin' pickled eggs or pickled sausages? Bear in mind there is no wrong answer to this question.
Dan: You know, craft beers doesn't really bother me. But it's the clever wordplay that goes into the naming of it that I finds hard to swallow, like "So Hoppy Together" or "Barley Breathing." Now why don't you just calls it what it is: it's fuckin' beer?
Dan: You'd trust somebody who wears sunglasses at night?

Daryl Quotes

Daryl: From your lips to God's nips, Bradley.
Daryl: How would you batch in space?
Daryl: Woolwich Taffy Cone Harvest I.P.A. from Wellesley, Ontario. Boastful, yet reserved. Opinionated. Selective. Elmira maple syrup, Skinner Farms smoked bacon. [sips] Hmm, tastes like a tragedy occurred while making breakfast.

Gae Quotes

Gae: GHB is the best party drug when used properly.… It's like the chattiness of good blow with the euphoric high of good M.… And half the comedown.… And you keep your appetite.… You kind of just flail.

Gail Quotes

Gail: Geri-care fetish ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, Wayne. Young is fun, but old is bold. Face like an old road map, didn't mind those dentures, easy. Wish I could pop mine out like that, for a handful of reasons.
Gail: I'd diddle my Skittle… Till she spittles.… I'd flick my bean like a rousing game of Crokinole for sexy results.… I mean it. You haven't seen a climax like this since Karate Kid crane kick.… I've wet more skin than a public pool. I've reached more peaks than a Sherpa!
Gail: You wanna do 68? You'll go down on me and I'll owe you one.
Glen: Ginny? The Ginger and Boots effed a dead ostrich. Of course I know what the male ones are called—check my browser history!
Glen: Well, there was supposed to be an intermezzo, but Mylo keeps forcing his falsetto and not accepting the fact that he is a castrato, and Levi thinks this is madrigals and will not allow me my obligato, and then there's Finn. This is not fucking Glee!

Hard Right Jay Quotes

Hard Right Jay: Hockey, eh? Fastest sport on Earth. And the whitest too, arguably, so bonus points there.
Hard Right Jay: Oh. All right, would a Nazi get turned on by interracial gangbang porn?
Hard Right Jay: Would a Nazi have a Jew for a lawyer?
Hard Right Jay: Would a Nazi own a game-worn Tim Duncan jersey?

Jimmy Dickens Quotes

Jim Dickens: all this time talkin’ could be spent spellin’. It’s not called a spellin’ talk, it’s called a spellin’ bee. And we are here to Bee… spellers.
Jim Dickens: Wayne, 100% bullshit 'round here. (auctioneering) Got a bidder now, one. Lookin' at two. Two, and now at lookin' at three. Three hundred now, can I get a four? Four there now, sold. Four hundred percent bullshit 'round here.

Jonesy Quotes

Jonesy: A-B-C. Always Be Lifting.
Jonesy: I'm Jean Bons Jonesi

Katy Quotes

Katy: It's a bad look if I'm not smokin' hot. At least I'm smokin' pot.
Katy: There's no way Glen smokes the sublime ragtime.
Katy: What's the matter, boys? Not enough wood to make the furniture?

Mary-Anne Quotes

Mary-Anne: If Terry Fox was alive he'd be smashing J Law and J Lo on ScarJo's boat.
Mary-Anne: We're just taking a break from cooking and cleaning to win back-to-back-to-back 'ships, asshole.
Mary-Anne: You're right, Betty-Anne. To call us girls is wildly inappropriate. Look at you. When's the last time you saw a girl with enough pubic hair to lose her keys in? Along with the buoyant Canadian Tire key chain?
Mary-Anne: Your mitt's actually a work of art, Betty-Anne. Like Salvador Dali's melting clocks, but instead of melting clocks, it's melting salad bowls of off-pink ice-cream.

McMurray Quotes

McMurray: I do like a good crotchword puzzle too, Wayne, if you've got any of those.
McMurray: Now this particular tasty was of the Australian variety.

Noah Dyck Quotes

Noah Dyck: Our daughters, Charity… and her sister Chastity… are on their gap year, once.

Reilly Quotes

Reilly: Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you fuckin' been through, you ugly fuck.
Reilly: I'm Jean C. Reilly

Roald Quotes

Roald: Dad? Yup, still a homo. But you're the one who named me after the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

Shoresy Quotes

Shoresy: And Gretz's daughter's a married woman, you classless piece of shit. She wouldn't fuck you if you had Mario's dangles and Messier's dick.
Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy, your mom ugly-cried 'cause she left the lens cap on the camcorder last night. It's fuckin' amateur hour over there.
Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fuckin' KFC.
Shoresy: I made your mum cum so hard they made a Canadian Heritage Minute out of it and Don McKellar played my dick.
Shoresy: I made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sandbags around my bed.

Shoresy Quotes from Shoresy show

Your broad sent her tits to my buddy on Instagram, and then him and my buddy fucked her in Muskoka.
More hockey players have your broad's tits on their phones than have fucking Uber.
She followed me to Pepe Panini after Ribfest one time and cleared the place out with her Coke farts.
Shut the fuck up, Sanguinet. Everyone knows you got an underwater squeezer from her off the side of our Party Island last summer in Wasaga Beach.

Stewart Quotes

Stewart: Bay Brothers. Egotistical ego testicles.
Stewart: Of all the boogies, the Boot-Scootin' is the last one I would and will ever torture myself or others with.

Tanis Quotes

Tanis: I bet, the second you popped out, your mom wished she had a sewn up snapper. Probably would've been better if you grew to a sickly size inside the womb and killed the both of you before you fuckin' rolled out and started fucking up.
Tanis: If you're into nerdy girls, I can show you my spine label, you can show me your hard cover.
Tanis: One-inch thick wagyu, New York. Heavily salt and peppered. Grill at 400. Four minutes total. Flip once a minute for those good grill marks. Let sit for two minutes and then down the hatch.
Tanis: Well, men shouldn't shackle women. We made Prohibition happen. Watch your step.

Wayne Quotes

Wayne: Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?
Wayne: Get off the cross, we need the wood.
Wayne: I'll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.
Wayne: People should only get hammered together, so that you never have to see how obnoxious your friends actually are.
Wayne: Well there's nothing better than a fart, except kids fallin' off bikes maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day, I don't give a shit about your kids.
Wayne: Wish you weren't so fucking awkward, bud.
Wayne: You trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster, Tanis?